Highland St. Horror Battle Of Intellects
I’ve listened to the accounts of both Felicia and Sara Sue, and, as best I can determine, the scene must have been reminiscent of the squirrel episode in the movie Christmas Vacation. There were people running room to room from a diminutive critter, screaming, and fainting in the movie. At my sister’s, I’m pleased to report that no one fainted, but I’m embarrassed by the actions of my niece, who, from the relative safety of the utility room door, shouted to her mother instructions through the slightly opened door. "Cover your eyes!" Felicia warned, remembering Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. "They go for the eyes!" The sight of grown women screaming hysterically and flailing a broom at a tiny bird while attempting to net it with a towel cannot be adequately described in order to convey the humor of the moment. However, there is no video of what transpired. In seeking to recount the most important aspects of the "bird" event, RRN managed to track down the small bird, appropriately known as Byrd, and a more complete picture of the happening has, perhaps, emerged.
RRN: How did you get inside my sister’s house?
RRN: So, nobody saw you enter?
RRN: My sister told me she discovered you in her kitchen shortly after
midnight. Is that correct?
RRN: Bird bath?
RRN: Kill you? I find that hard to believe. I shot birds with an air
rifle when I was young, and my little sister tried to protect them by scaring
them out of the yard before I could get them in my sights.
RRN: And, what have you learned from all this, my fine feathered
friend?
RRN: Having narrowly escaped the grim reaper, it would seem you’ve
been given a second chance at life. What do you hope to accomplish? And, he was off. I was left wondering whose ordeal was worse, his or that of my sister and my niece. Byrd’s brain is quite small, and one may conclude his actions were on par with his intellect. I’m not so sure the same could be said for my family members.
Business Card Changes Noted In mid-January, I attended a marketing meeting held in Atlanta at the offices of the SUPERVALU Southeast Region. One of the presenters representing SUPERVALU University, Minneapolis, Minnesota, shared some interesting information on market trends and how retailers should address the demands of a changing consumer base.
During lunch, I had the opportunity to present my point of view with regard to dining out to the presenter from SUPERVALU University. I cited a personal example of how infrequently my wife and I eat away from home as a couple. We both have occasions to eat out in our separate business environments, but as a couple we rarely dine out. I shared with her that my wife and I will celebrate our 40th Wedding Anniversary this year, and in preparation for the event, I had asked my wife how she wanted to celebrate. Barbara’s response was she would like for us to go out for dinner. I will consider myself lucky, if I get off with a celebration so light on my pocketbook. At some point in my conversation with the woman from SUPERVALU, I mentioned my writing hobby, and she seemed interested enough for me to give her one of my business cards with my email address and website URL on it. It was then I realized my card was out of date, because I stopped using the email address, [email protected] because I was getting a lot of junk email or SPAM. Thus, I had to cross out the old address and write my current one, [email protected]. I knew my supply of business cards was low, so after getting back home from Atlanta, I went to my Yahoo email and found where I had previously ordered the "free" business cards at www.vistaprint.com. The first 250 cards are free, but shipping is not. I thought of selecting a new background design but didn’t find one I liked better than the lighthouse. I pulled up my order history and was able to modify the information displayed on the old card and save everything as a new order. Here are the changes that were made:
The new cards came in just in time for distribution to the latest group of volunteers who were in Pontotoc this week to help with work on a new Habitat house in Circle of Hope subdivision. A new business card will accompany each hardcopy of this week’s newsletter and are available to others upon request.
Bodock Beau The Bear Remover Ed Dandridge of Louisiana, after sending three humor selections our way in a single week (two of which follow), explains, "I may not get a joke worth sending for months. Here lately, they have been coming in bunches." The Bear Remover Living in the Colorado Mountains, a man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an Ad for "Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his privates and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog." Oklahoma State Trooper In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3 AM, one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him. The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning. Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding (but stationary) car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled, "Pull over!"
The man nodded, turned his wheel, and stopped the engine. Copyright © 2000 - 2007 RRN Online.
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About a week ago, a small bird, possibly a
wren or a sparrow, managed to gain entrance, undetected, into my sister’s
house. Sara Sue discovered the bird perched on a section of decorative grapevine
above the kitchen sink. As I recall, the hour was late, around 1:00 a.m.
when all her neighbors were asleep. Felicia, who was already bedded down
for the night, wasn’t interested in getting up to help her mother shoo
the sparrow back outside. However after considerable yelling and threats
of bodily harm, involving life and limb, Felicia consented to be of help,
if one considers screams of terror each time the sparrow flew from one area
of the kitchen to another, as help.
The part that particularly interested
me dealt with how individuals from different generations have different
expectations with regard to purchases as well as item-selections. The Mature
Generation, those born prior to 1946, continue to utilize newspaper advertising
to help with their grocery shopping, but Generation X (ages 27-43) is far
less dependent upon newspaper ads, and members of this group make food purchases
based on convenience and ease of preparation.
