RRN Online Volume 506

February 11 '06

Volume 506

Word Power Brainy Consideration

Lynette Carlson was an employee for SUPERVALU for a number of years. I met her on my first trip to Home Office back in 1990 and had the opportunity to see her when I traveled to Minneapolis on business, until my position as a departmental manager for the Indianola division was eliminated in 1996. We maintained a work relationship via telephone until she lost her job in a round of cuts about three years ago. Lynette has been reading this newsletter for approximately six years. I received the following in an email from her last week.

"I just wanted to let you know I am still out here and still very much enjoying your newsletter. And, I still believe there is no difference between your writing and Garrison Keillor. If you ever quit your newsletter I think you should get on the radio like Garrison does each Saturday afternoon. When I hear his program I immediately think of you and your family."

"One comment to a previous newsletter item you wrote. I, too, somewhat feel the same as you when it comes to church dress attire, but only when it comes to sitting next to a guy in church who is wearing shorts and sandals. I get very annoyed when I have to see his hairy legs and feet. It creeps me out and is distracting. Fortunately, in Minnesota I only have to put up with this 3 months out of the year."

I responded to her generous assessment of whatever talent I possess as a writer, thanking her for such high praise and assuring her that I was hardly in the league with Mr. Keillor of radio fame. Still, it’s nice for those of us who struggle with the wordsmith’s craft to feel appreciated from time to time, and it’s always endearing to be thought of as belonging to a class of writers somewhat beyond ones present reach.

One benefit in having received an ego-inflating acknowledgment is that I’ve actually given some thought to creating a fictional community replete with characters and incorporating the goings on of it into this newsletter. While, some may consider my recollections of happenings as fiction, I’ve never intentionally embellished an article and have not previously thought of attempting to write fiction. However, it might be something fun to try.

I have a feeling that the situation involving the way folks dress for church will get worse before it gets better, and I see no relief in sight. Contemporary worship services may the hottest new way of attracting new church members, but, in my considered opinion, the methodology employed is on shaky ground and deserves to be addressed at a later date in this newsletter.

Miss Lotus Henry shares a room with my Aunt Jo Collins at the Sunshine Health Care Home in Pontotoc. Aunt Jo is physically unable to get in or out of bed unassisted. Miss Lotus, at ninety, is quite spry. Aunt Jo’s mind is strong and healthy, and she is able to remember where Miss Lotus puts things when Miss Lotus forgets. Miss Lotus is not allowed to "see after" Aunt Jo, but if Aunt Jo needs someone to hand her a personal item, newspaper, or telephone, then Miss Lotus jumps into action to help. Though each one has a health deficiency of one sort or another, they manage to help one another and seem to genuinely enjoy their relationship.

About a year ago, Aunt Jo’s health improved enough to allow her to read this newsletter again. Now, both Aunt Jo and Miss Lotus are able to keep up with the happenings in our family through RRN. Occasionally, Aunt Jo shares a compliment from Miss Lotus, and sometimes Miss Lotus, herself, comments about how smart someone would have to be to write a newsletter.

Last weekend, Aunt Jo told me that Miss Lotus said of me, "He’s got the brains of five men."

No, I don’t let such things go to my head. In fact, I probably have a lesser image of my abilities than one might think. After all, having the brains of five men is not necessarily something to brag about, as the men could all be idiots. While I might aspire to have a brain like Garrison Keillor or other talented writer, in so doing, I might acquire an undesirable trait and become a liberal. Instead, I think I’ll stick with what the Good Lord gave me and simply try to use it more fully.

Fashion Runway Prelude To Presentation

This week, I attended a regional department meeting in Champaign, Illinois. The purpose of our meeting was to review our individual and departmental goals and accomplishments for the current fiscal year and to learn of new offerings and program updates in Retail Technology. This part of the meeting is the responsibility of the department director and staff. Additionally, each of my eight associates and I were responsible for creating a PowerPoint presentation for our respective territories and sharing our presentation with the entire group.

My associates and I are given basic guidelines to follow but are allowed a degree of flexibility in selecting that which we deem important in our presentation. Generally, I tend to share something to lighten the mood of the program. For the last two years, I have shared pictures of my home and photos of our backyard party each summer. This year, I had the last minute inspiration to have someone introduce me to the group as if I were a model for a fashion show. Julie Tordik of the Pleasant Prairie division was kind enough to read the following script as I walked an imagined fashion runway and modeled for the group.

"For his presentation today, Wayne is wearing ‘the layered look’ in business casual.

"Beneath his blue and white checked, buttoned-down dress shirt by L. L. Bean is a stylish, double-necked long-sleeved T-shirt by Wolverine in popular forest green.

"Wayne’s charcoal colored slacks are a wool-blend, also by L. L. Bean. Socks are by Burlington and his shoes are Dress Sport by Rockport.

"All jewelry reflects his ties to his alma mater, The University of Mississippi."

Of course, the laughter of the group bordered on riotous when they realized what was happening. It was the most fun I had all day, and everyone seemed to enjoy the humor of the moment. I think it safe to say that other presenters had far more impressive financials to report and some were more creative with their PowerPoint presentations, but none had a more creative introduction.

Kitchen Table By Sarah Carter Brown

The moments of greatest triumph and tragedy in my life seem to have been played out in Mama’s kitchen. Mama never had an automatic dishwasher. Her washing machine was in the kitchen and until I was in high school, she had an old-fashioned wringer washing machine. Mama never had a clothes dryer. Since Mama was either washing or cooking, the kitchen is where she spent most of her time.

I learned to sew at one end of the kitchen table while she rolled out piecrusts or stirred up a cake at the other end. In childhood, I practiced long recitations for school to Mama’s critical ear while she cooked something or washed dishes. I spilled out my heart while she chopped nuts and fruit for salads. She called out my spelling words or asked vocabulary definitions while something baked in the oven, keeping one eye on the stove and another on my books.

We all gathered in the kitchen after the funerals for Grandmother and Granddaddy Carter held just four days apart. I remember Mama in the kitchen crying to Daddy the night she realized her mother would not be coming home from the hospital. When Daddy died, the empty place at the table haunted us. It was in the kitchen that I found Mama crying inconsolably to James when she had just learned her older sister had died suddenly. Since Mama rarely cried more than a few tears, we were at a loss as to how to react in times that we saw her broken.

There were far more happy times in the kitchen with Mama than sad ones. Sometimes we sang in the kitchen while Wayne played the guitar. Mama counseled my friends and me with sage bits of wisdom like, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs until you meet your prince." We were quick to ask just how many frogs she kissed. Mama knew when to keep her mouth closed, so we never found out how many. When one of us was facing a difficult task Mama would say, "You’ll never know if you can do it unless you try." And try we did. We laughed and played in the kitchen with her grandchildren, especially Rayanne and Jason because they lived next door. Later we watched James’s children and my own two play together at our feet while we visited. Mama would regal us with stories of her childhood. Later she would whip up a pie for one of my friends who had come to visit.

It was Mama’s refusal to come to the kitchen for supper that alerted me to just how sick she was the night I took her to the hospital for the last time. How I hated going back into that kitchen after Mama died. I had never noticed how awful it looked with its ugly yellow wallpaper and old kitchen cupboards. I never noticed before how little counter space she had in such a large room. Then, I realized that without Mama it was just an empty cold, lifeless room. She took the magic with her.

It is true that we, daughters, turn into our mothers when we get older. People I hardly know see me at the grocery store or Wal-Mart and tell me how much I look like Mama. Now, I spend an inordinate amount of time in my kitchen. As I visit with family and friends in my kitchen, I sometimes hear the words of Mama spew out of my mouth. Rather than being appalled at having turned out like Mama, I like to think that by doing so I honor what she taught us about the blessings of home, family, and good friends. I certainly could have done worse than turn out like Mama.

Opinion Control A Conservative View

Ann Coulter writes a syndicated weekly column, which appears in many American newspapers. Her column came under fire, a year or so ago, from certain readers of the Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal. It seems Miss Coulter had the audacity to point out the flaws of liberal politicians and liberals in general that were obvious to most of us but went largely unnoticed by the average feminist, liberal, or other reality-challenged individual. Miss Coulter’s insightful observations resulted in inciting some of the Journal’s readership, who sent a sufficient number of letters of protest to the editor, which in turn effected the cancellation of her column in the Daily Journal.

Apparently, the Journal’s liberal readership falls into the category of those "who can dish it out but can’t take it." In other words, for these folk, it’s okay if the Journal shares opinions of liberals. But, it’s not okay to share the conservative point of view, especially when the conservative opinion is that of a beautiful woman, who happens to be among the most sought after speakers on the college campus circuit.

When Ann Coulter’s column was dropped by the Journal, I could have written a letter to the editor of the Journal protesting their decision, but I didn’t. Unlike those who didn’t like to read Ann Coulter’s column, when I find a columnist who routinely angers me, I just stop reading his or her column, or simply skip over the offensive parts. Reading is like watching TV, in that both are activities that I can control. I can read whatever I choose. I can watch whatever I want, and I can turn off either activity.

I’ve not cancelled my subscription to the Daily Journal, because they no longer publish Miss Coulter’s opinion column. Instead, I simply go to her website once a week to read her column. In fact, I find a lot more opinion pieces on the Internet than the Daily Journal could carry if they wanted to carry them.

There’s a movement on many college campuses, by college officials and students, to suppress free speech while political correctness is rapidly silencing free speech in all of public life. We Americans pride ourselves in having a constitution that guarantees us freedom of the press and freedom of speech and freedom of assembly, but these freedoms are slowly eroding and will one day be lost if good men continue to do nothing to stop the erosion.

Recently, the publishing of several cartoons in a Danish newspaper, depicting Muhammad unflatteringly, led to riots among certain populations with high concentrations of peoples of the Islamic faith. The following are excerpts from Ann Coulter’s column dated 02/08/06.

"The culture editor of a newspaper in Denmark suspected writers and cartoonists were engaging in self-censorship when it came to the Religion of Peace." [A reference to Islam.]

"So, after verifying that his life insurance premiums were paid up, the editor expressly requested cartoons of Muhammad from every cartoonist with a Danish cartoon syndicate."

"In order to express their displeasure with the idea that Muslims are violent, thousands of Muslims around the world engaged in rioting, arson, mob savagery, flag-burning, murder and mayhem, among other peaceful acts of nonviolence."

"Muslims are the only people who make feminists seem laid-back."

"The rioting Muslims claim they are upset because Islam prohibits any depictions of Muhammad — though the text is ambiguous on beheadings, suicide bombings and flying planes into skyscrapers."

"The belief that Islam forbids portrayals of Muhammad is recently acquired. Back when Muslims created things, rather than blowing them up, they made paintings, frescoes, miniatures and prints of Muhammad."

"Making the rash assumption for purposes of discussion that Islam is a religion and not a car-burning cult, even a real religion can't go bossing around other people like this."

"But Muslims think they can issue decrees about what images can appear in newspaper cartoons. Who do they think they are, liberals?"

Disclaimer: The opinions of Miss Coulter do not necessarily reflect those of this newsletter.

Bodock Beau Men Really Are From Mars

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing, nor have I figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. For example, One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

Well, as the passion intensifies, she says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "What? What was that?

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to fulfil your physical desires as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "What?"

I then said "Honey! I just want you to hold this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to fulfil your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently we're not making love tonight either.

Submitted by Ed Dandridge

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