RRN Online Volume 483

September 03 '05

Volume 483

My Birthday Surprises Abound

Garrison Keillor They seem to come around more frequently than they once did - these things we call birthdays. Surely, it hasn’t been a year, but I celebrated another birthday on August 16^th, anyway. If the next few years pass as quickly as those of the last decade, I’ll be a hundred before I know it. That could happen, of course, me turning a hundred, but if I do live that long I hope to have mind enough about me to know I’m a hundred.

There was no surprise birthday party this year, and I really didn’t expect one. It would have been nice, but as much as I enjoy a surprise party on my behalf, having one every year would remove some of the excitement of yearly anticipation. Yet, there were some surprises in that a few folks wished me happy birthday, unexpectedly.

Laura Franklin called me not long after she got to work to wish me a happy birthday. She had overheard Dot Bell and Mickey Gentry discussing my birthday, and since it was also Laura’s daughter’s birthday, she called me before Dot had the chance.

Mickey received a call from Rick Carter, another minister, shortly after Dot had mentioned that it was my birthday, and Mickey, who may not have had enough morning caffeine to allow for clear thought or perhaps he thought the caller was me, sang Happy Birthday to a confused Rick Carter.

A few hours later, Dot called to wish me a happy birthday, and in her best singing voice sang the birthday greeting to me. It was then that she explained what all had transpired at the office with Mickey and Laura.

I missed the call that came from Kim Goslin, on Tuesday, but she left me a voice message stating she would get back to me on Thursday to wish me a happy birthday. As it happened, I missed her call on Thursday, too, and it was almost a week before we made contact with one another. I also missed the call from Larry Schmitt, a coworker in Atlanta, who also left me a voice message wishing me a happy birthday.

Aunt Jo had called the previous Saturday to congratulate me on the day she mistakenly believed was my birthday. I received three birthday cards and two email messages and one eCard birthday greeting. Yes, I was surprised by all the attention my birthday garnered, and yes I enjoyed all of it.

It’s not every year that my wife tells me in advance what she’s giving me for my birthday, but this year she told me the day the tickets went on sale for Garrison Keillor’s Rhubarb Tour that she had purchased some for my birthday. I didn’t mind that she also bought tickets for Sara Sue to attend the program with us, especially since Sara is a huge fan of Garrison Keillor.

It would be my first trip to the BancorpSouth Center in Tupelo, as I’m not one to attend a lot of concerts and had, heretofore, little need to be on the premises of the converted mall. Our trio arrived in Tupelo approximately thirty minutes early in order to allow ample time for finding a parking place, walking to the Center, and finding our seats among the thousands of seats.

I am continually amazed at the number of folks who purchase food when they attend sporting events, movies, concerts, etc. Yes, I know that food vendors have been around ball parks and theaters about as long as baseball and movies, but I’m still amazed that so many people eat at such things. Is the reason because the food is available or because they are really hungry?

We asked a couple of members of the staff how to locate our seats which turned out to be about six rows from the topmost row of seats. Looking at the "tiny" stage, I wished I had thought to bring binoculars, and once the program began, I wished I had brought a hearing aid. I never dreamed, I would have trouble hearing anything where voice amplification is used, as most often the music is overpoweringly loud, but I strained to hear the various voices from the beginning to the end, the single exception being that of the singers of a Cajun band from Louisiana, who sang everything in French. Judging by the crowd’s reaction, the band was well appreciated, though I had trouble detecting much difference in the tunes they played and sang.

As for Garrison Keillor, he was truly entertaining. Even if he is a Liberal and a Democrat, he’s still a national treasure in my book. Keillor is a native of Minnesota and has built a national following for his radio program (aired on Mississippi Public Radio at 5:00 p.m. each Saturday), A Prairie Home Companion. His radio show normally includes musical guests with whom he chats and often joins in song. Additionally, his program features narrative episodes of serialized fiction by private eye, Guy Noir, and the folks of Lake Woebegone, "where the women are strong, the men are good looking, and all the children are above average." Toss in the skills of a sound effects expert and a few other radio actors and one can almost lose track of time and space while being drawn into the world of Garrison Keillor.

I kept expecting any minute to hear Garrison Keillor announce that it was my birthday, and while that never happened, I only gave up hope as he made his way off the stage after a performance that lasted almost three hours.

In my college days, I never thought all that much of the romantic poets in English Literature, though I’ve come to appreciate the writings of Byron, Shelly, and Keats over the years. And, of all the things I saw and heard, on the night of August sixteenth, nothing mesmerized me quite so much as the musical composition Keillor created using the words to the classic poems of England’s romantic poets. It was as though the pain of having to memorize "ancient" verses had been worthwhile.

There were not as many folks on hand to see and hear Garrison Keillor as I expected. I was surprised to discover the audience was "pearly white." In fact, I counted only one black face among the four hundred faces in my section and only saw one other black while I was there. Additionally, I would say the age of the average member of the audience was over fifty-five. Why a strong Democrat such as Keillor doesn’t draw a large minority following is a mystery. Maybe they don’t know he’s a Democrat.

Sarah, Barbara, and I did not eat anything until after the program, but we stopped at the Wendy’s on West Main Street for a late burger before driving back to Pontotoc. As we pulled into Sarah’s driveway, she told me I would have to come inside to get my birthday present.

"Felicia wants to see your face when you open your present," she stated.

Felicia didn’t want to see me too badly, for she was fast asleep and resisted all efforts to awaken her. I opened the gift bag and pulled out a new shirt covered with images of sailing ships and lighthouses.

"It goes with your newsletter," Sarah explained, though I understood its significance at first sight.

Yet, new subscribers may not be aware that I chose a lighthouse logo for my RRN business cards, several years ago. The new shirt was made by Sarah and apart from the pocket being set too low, one cannot tell it from "store bought." Sarah insists it was made for me to use working in the yard, but I doubt it’ll see much yard work.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say my sixty-third birthday was the best ever, but it was top-notch, and one I won’t soon forget.

Katrina Mississippi Devastation

The states of Alabama, Florida, Louisiana, and Mississippi have just weathered what is quite possibly the worst natural disaster ever to strike the United States, Hurricane Katrina. Katrina made landfall a little southeast of the city of New Orleans and moved northward, sparing New Orleans its devastating winds and storm surge that so ravaged the Mississippi Gulf Coast. But, just when New Orleans residents were about to rejoice in their relative good fortune, one of the concrete levees protecting the city was breached and the city was soon flooded.

At this writing, 08/31/05, efforts are underway to evacuate the remaining residents of New Orleans, possibly as many as 100,000 people. It will be a difficult task as diehard residents and others will likely resist being forced out of their beloved city. Yet, they may find it necessary to leave if they want to survive.

Video images shown on news programs support Mississippi governor Haley Barbour’s comment that the devastation along the Gulf Coast looks like that of Hiroshima.

In Mississippi, recovery efforts have been concentrated on finding and freeing survivors who may be trapped in their houses or rubble. There is no official death toll, but the number of reported deaths exceeds 100 and is expected to climb much higher.

Looting along the Coast as well as in New Orleans demonstrates that, as a species, humans have not evolved as much as once thought. Looters also serve to remind us that even America has its share of barbarians. Perhaps, now that there is a greater military presence in devastated areas, looting can be brought under control.

Both Barbara and I have been contacted by friends outside of Mississippi who expressed concern for our well-being and stated their prayer support for all who’ve been impacted by this disaster. The following paragraphs contain the bulk of our response to their concerns:

"Our weather is back to normal for late summer in North Mississippi, hot and dry. The hurricane blew through Pontotoc around midnight after striking the Gulf Coast almost twelve hours earlier. Winds had dropped to less than seventy miles per hour, except for gusts, which were strong enough to cause a lot of trees to snap or uproot. Some of the trees hit power lines, and we were without power at our house from nine-thirty Monday night until almost four o'clock Tuesday."

"Widespread power outages still exist south of I-20, which runs the width of the state of Mississippi roughly 100 miles north of the Gulf of Mexico. One Interstate and a major 4-lane that connect to I-20 are closed to all traffic except emergency vehicles."

" The destruction along the Mississippi Gulf Coast is astounding and exceeds the damages wrought by Camille in 1969. The casinos, for the most part, were destroyed, some tossed a few hundred yards inland, and others had their first two floors gutted. Houses near the coast were obliterated."

We were fortunate that our house was not damaged by the storm, and apart from the loss of electricity for the better part of a day we made it fine. We were inconvenienced, but our lot does not compare to that of those who have lost everything or those being evacuated and relocated to another state.

Bodock Beau Medical Chart Humor

Some readers dislike quizzes, but the following is not overly challenging, plus I liked it.

A Fine State of Affairs

This overstated quiz uses names of states for its answers.

Which state will give you a refreshing small drink? Mini soda.
In which state will you find a lady farm worker? Ida hoe.
Which state owes something to someone? I owe a.
Which state is a favorite of Lassie? Colliefornia.
Which state is ailing and loud? Ill an' noise.
In which state can you watch a game? Tennis see.
Where will you find a woman with a weight problem? Missus hippy.
Where is everybody happy? Merry land.
In which state is everybody unhappy? Misery.
Which state is a heavyweight in laundry? Washing ton.

Waking Up Grumpy

OVER at the local cafe one morning, a farmer walked in and sat down at the counter next to a neighbor.

He thought his friend didn't look too perky, so he came right out and asked, "Did you wake up grumpy this morning?"

"Nope," the neighbor replied. "I decided to let her sleep in."

Laugh Letter - August 2005

Rieman Publications

ACTUAL WRITINGS ON CHARTS IN HOSPITALS

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24 The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Contributed by Ken Gaillard

Home