Hearing Troubles
Left Ear Malfunctions
Like
most people, I have two ears. However, I tend to refer to my left ear as
"my good ear," because I hear better with it, or at least I think I do. When
talking on a conventional telephone I place the receiver against my left
ear, more for hearing than for freeing up my right hand for writing.
When I am using the hands-free earpiece of my cell phone, in order to talk
while driving with both hands on the wheel, I often place the earpiece in
my right ear. Because I keep the cell phone somewhere on my right, it makes
sense to use my right ear, so I don't have to drape the cord across my chest
or switch the earpiece from one hand to the other while driving. Though in
situations where road noise or rain makes it difficult to hear, I've been
known to switch the earpiece over to my left ear.
Looking into my left ear with an otoscope, Dr. Montgomery stated, "You don't
have an earwax buildup, but you do have some infection."
"An infection!" I thought to myself. "I haven't had an ear infection since
I was five years old and living in Iuka, MS."
Yes, Mama believed I might lose my hearing, so she made Daddy take me to
a doctor in Corinth. I remember riding in an automobile without a heater
and it being wintertime. I don't remember getting a shot of penicillin, but
I probably had one. I do remember Mama following the Doctor's orders and
boiling out my ears with hydrogen peroxide a couple of times every day for
the next several days. It didn't hurt but the fizzing sounds produced were
frightening to me at the time.
Hearing Dr. Montgomery's diagnosis was disappointing. Somehow, I was hoping
for earwax to be the problem with my hearing. I knew earwax could be rinsed
out using whatever sort of high-pressure irrigation device doctors use for
such things, but an infection could not be eliminated so readily. I became
familiar with the rinse procedure roughly thirty years ago, when I went to
Dr. Howard and asked why I was having difficulty hearing. He soon rinsed
from my ear a butter bean sized clump of wax (or "cerumen" as it is called
in the medical profession), and my hearing returned to normal. I probably
had Dr. Howard remove wax from my ears a few more times until I learned I
could do almost as well using a children's nasal aspirator.
I can't recommend that persons use a syringe or aspirator to remove earwax,
and I probably should avoid doing so myself, as the possibility of producing
an infection does exist. But, like using a Q-tip, cotton swab, or hairpin
are not physician approved methods of removing earwax, I've been known to
employ such devices, and once worried my dad might actually puncture his
eardrum as he plunged a hairpin deeper into his ear than I would have thought
possible.
On Easter Sunday morning, I noticed my throat seemed to be irritated. By
late afternoon, I had developed a cough and a fever. I had a full prescription
of Zithromax that I had failed to take earlier this year, so I began to doctor
myself. The next day my throat was better, and I finished the prescription
in the allotted five days. The following Sunday, I was much better and was
about to congratulate myself on my recovery, when my left ear stopped up
that night.
Thinking my ear trouble was related to sinuses, or earwax buildup, I reasoned
I would be better in a couple of days and if not I could get out my earwax
removing tools. When I was unsuccessful in removing anything more than a
smidgen of earwax using a Q-tip, I tried the syringe method and had about
the same success I had with the Q-tip.
I arranged to see Dr. Montgomery on Friday afternoon. I had contacted him
Thursday and learned that 2:00 p.m. would be a good time for him to check
my ear. Unfortunately, he was running behind when I arrived at 1:40 p.m.,
and the receptionist explained he still had three patients with morning
appointments ahead of me, plus he had not been to lunch. My choices were
to wait or come back later, but when the receptionist could not or would
not estimate the wait or suggest when I should come back, I decided to wait.
Approximately two and one-half hours later, Dr. Montgomery had an otoscope
in my ear.
"I need to give you an antibiotic, and see if we can get the infection cleared
up," he stated.
"Oh no," I responded. "It seems I've been on antibiotics ever since my prostate
surgery."
We discussed which antibiotics didn't hurt my stomach and which ones did,
arriving at another prescription of Zithromax but this time with a larger
unit dosage.
I'll be finished with the latest round of antibiotics at the time folks read
this article, but I can't say my ear will be better by the weekend. If it
isn't Dr. Montgomery will be sending me to a specialist, I'm sure.
For all the trouble I've had hearing lately, it's noteworthy that my hearing
problem called for a lighter moment at our dinner table about a week ago
when Rayanne and her two youngest girls were over. I've discovered, now that
my ear is stopped up, that I have trouble hearing what's being said on TV,
if others in the room are talking or in the case of my granddaughters, making
a racket. It's as though I can't filter out the unwanted sounds.
I've never liked to eat a meal with a TV blasting in the background, and
I usually make sure it's muted or turned off before sitting down to a meal.
However, I failed to do so that night and didn't really notice the TV was
on until Jason spoke up, "Did you hear that about Eli?"
He was referring to Eli Manning, Ole Miss's recent quarterback, and the
likelihood of him being picked number one by San Diego in the NFL draft.
"No," I responded, impatiently and pointing to my ear. "I can't hear thunder."
Rayanne, something of a weather-worrier, misunderstood what we were talking
about and asked, "Eli? Is that a new hurricane?"
When the laughter subsided, Jason and I consoled Rayanne in her blonde moment,
comparing hers to that of Felicia's a few weeks earlier.
Sarah, Barbara, and I were watching an episode on the History Channel dealing
with the invasion of Normandy.
Felicia had just come into the living room, having driven over from Oxford,
and upon seeing the words "Omaha Beach" on the screen, asked, "Is that in
Nebraska?"
I don't know which is sadder, the lack of knowledge of things taught in Geography
or History. All I really know is that without two good ears it's hard to
hear anything said regarding either Geography or History.
Soldier's
Letter Kerry's Heroism Questioned
I hesitate to reprint the following email, because I've not taken the time
to authenticate it, but based on what I have read elsewhere regarding Senator
John Kerry's Silver Star and purple heart medals, it's fairly accurate.
A Texas Soldier's Letter to Kerry
Since it has become clear that you will probably be the Democratic nominee
for President, I have spent a great deal of time researching your war record
and your record as a professional politician. The reason is simple, you aspire
to be the Commander in Chief who would lead my sons and their fellow soldiers
in time of war. I simply wanted to know if you possess the necessary
qualifications to be trusted in that respect.
You see, I belong to a family of proud U.S. veterans. I was a Captain in
the Army Reserve, my father was a decorated Lieutenant in World War II; and
I have four sons who have either served, or are currently serving in the
military. The oldest is an Army Lieutenant still on active duty in Afghanistan
after already being honored for his service in Iraq. The youngest is an E-4
with the military police. His National Guard unit just finished their second
tour of active duty, including six months in Guantanamo Bay. My two other
sons have served in the National Guard and the Navy.
In looking at your record I found myself comparing it not only to that of
my father and my sons, but to the people they served with. My father served
with the 87th Chemical Mortar Battalion in Europe. They landed on Utah Beach
and fought for 317 straight days including the Cherbourg Peninsula, Aachen,
the Hurtgen Forest, and the Battle of the Bulge.
You earned a Silver Star in Vietnam for chasing down and finishing off a
wounded and retreating enemy soldier. My father won a Bronze Star for single
handedly charging and knocking out a German machine gun nest that had his
men pinned down.
You received three purple hearts for what appears to be three minor scratches.
In fact you only missed a combined total of two days of duty for these wounds.
The men of my father's unit, the 87th, had to be admonished by their commanding
officer because: "It has been brought to our attention that some men are
covering up wounds and refusing medical attention for fear of being evacuated
and permanently separated from this organization..." It was also a common
problem for seriously wounded soldiers to go AWOL from hospitals in order
to rejoin their units. You used your three purple hearts to leave Vietnam
early.
My oldest boy came home from Iraq with numerous commendations and then proceeded
to volunteer to go to Afghanistan and from there back to Iraq again. My sons
and father have never had anything but the highest regard and respect for
their fellow soldiers. Yet, you came home to publicly charge your fellow
fighting men with being war criminals and to urge their defeat by the enemy.
You even wrote a book that had a cover, which mocked the heroism of the U.S.
Marines who raised the flag on Iwo Jima.
Our current crop of soldiers has a philosophy that no one gets left behind;
and they have practiced that from Somalia to the battlefields of the Middle
East. Yet as chairman of a Senate committee looking into allegations that
many of your fellow servicemen had been left behind as prisoners in Vietnam,
you chose to defend the brutal Vietnamese regime. You even went so far as
to refer to the families of the POWs and MIAs as professional malcontents,
conspiracy mongers, con artists, and dime store Rambos.
As a Senator you voted against the 1991 Gulf War, and have repeatedly voted
against funds to supply our troops with the best equipment, and against money
to improve our intelligence capability. I find this particularly ironic since
as a presidential candidate you are highly critical of our pre-war intelligence
in Iraq. However, you did vote to authorize the President to go to war, but
have since proceeded to do everything you can to undermine the efforts of
our government and our troops to win.
Is this what our fighting men and women can expect of you if you are their
Commander in Chief? Will you gladly send them to war, only to then aid the
enemy by undermining the morale of our troops and cutting off the weapons
they need to win?
Our country is at war Senator, and as has been the case in every war since
the American Revolution, a member of my family is serving their country during
the war. Now you want me to trust you to lead my sons in this fight.
Sorry Senator, but when I compare your record to those who have fought and
died for this nation, and are currently fighting and dying, the answer is
not just no, but Hell No!
Michael Connelly, February 14, 2004, Dallas, Texas
Bodock Beau
Blonde Jokes
If there's one thing better than a blonde joke, it's two blonde jokes. Sisters
Dena B. Kimbrell and Lisa B. Rolik, respectively, submitted the following.
A blonde named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis
Philbin.
Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend.
If you get it right, it's worth one million dollars. If you get it wrong,
you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it:
A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Cheryl.
Cheryl (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"
Regis: "Hello Cheryl, it's Regis Philbin from "Who Wants to be a Millionaire"
I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million
dollar question. The next voice you hear will bePam's..."
Pam: "Cheryl, which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is
it: A) robin, B) sparrow, C) Cuckoo, or D) thrush?
Cheryl: "That's simple. It's a cuckoo."
Pam: "Are you sure?"
Cheryl: "I'm sure."
Regis: "Pam, you heard Jan. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?"
Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo."
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Pam: "Yes; I think Cheryl's pretty smart."
Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right! Congratulations, you have just
won one million dollars!"
To celebrate, Pam flies Cheryl to New York. That night they go out on the
town. As they're sipping champagne, Pam looks at Cheryl and asks her, "Tell
me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"
Cheryl: "That's easy. Everybody knows they live in clocks"
---------------------------------------------------------
A police officer was interrogating three blondes who were training to become
detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first
blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only
has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the
picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how
would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and
says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course
only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!
Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize
him?"
He quickly adds "... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...
the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know
himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer... wait here for a few minutes while
I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his
computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't
believe it... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good
work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. He can't wear regular glasses because
he only has one eye and one ear."
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